you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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