I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
