Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
