sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
