I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
