That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
be right there i have to get my cape
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
