i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
