At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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