the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
