Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
