We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
