4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I need help removing her.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Come back. Shots need mouths.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
