Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
