Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
