when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
