We're like a lot better than the average bears
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize