He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
