can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
