just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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