Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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