then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
