Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
