We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
