Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
