I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
