Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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