I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
