I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
