There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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