Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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