My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
