you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
