i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
