Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
