Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
did i just pee glitter
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize