What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
