I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I cockslap morals
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
