At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We were destined to go to rehab together
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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