I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
