After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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