Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
