I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He better not be in your backpack
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
