just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
