matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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