It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
