My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
