You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
