If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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