She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
