im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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