I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
