More tranny stories later!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
