Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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