i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
