Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
