i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
