Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
