You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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