When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
