We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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