dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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