i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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