LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
