it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
