naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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