Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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