How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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