No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize