I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
