i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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