i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize