Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
