if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My boob is missing a layer of skin
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
