Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Randomize