oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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