man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize