Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
