Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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