i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
