Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
