If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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