Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
she told me i tasted like america
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
