what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
