What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
farters have to be the big spoon...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize