fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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