You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
