My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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