So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
