I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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