so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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