Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
