Yo dont text me then not text me
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
