You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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