how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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