the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
