At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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