My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the day after is always just damage control
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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