Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
