I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
