so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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