Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
