i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I wear drunk well.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
