I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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