Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
