"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
