Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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