I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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