Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
