Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
